a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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