I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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