I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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