Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
