What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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