even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I did not marry a roomba.
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