They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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