I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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