Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
