We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
