I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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