we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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