question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
