Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
