you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
