I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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