My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
