i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just crazy horny about you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
