I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Two words: blizzard sex
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
