I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize