you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
