guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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