pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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