I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
