he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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