He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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