Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
