It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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