Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
