guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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