sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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