hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
