I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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