don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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