My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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