your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
