New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
