so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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