Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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