I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
