I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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