If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
