is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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