I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
