You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
