Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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