M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
