Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
