People with herpes should wear stickers.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
