i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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