...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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