if i can run in heels then i can drive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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