so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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