took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
