my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
