You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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