just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize