I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
