I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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