Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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