I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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