who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
