I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
