Jerry, you need to find god
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
