dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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