walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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