my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
