You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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