you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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